How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
