Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
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