This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
