it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
