Who did Billy Mays play for?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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