I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
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