I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
