My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
