You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
