I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Found your dick twin last night
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
