Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
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She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
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Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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