So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
