I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
