Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I am one with the molecules
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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