Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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