Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
