i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
