yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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