I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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