I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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