if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
