Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
