I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
