Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
