I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
