I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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