I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
