so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
