Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
