Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
