last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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