The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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