She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
someone owes me an orgasm
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
