I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
