Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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