And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
