Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
