Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
