is your mom at the bar?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
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we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
God, I missed his penis.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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