i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
