Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
