Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
