JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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