ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
