you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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