quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
