champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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