Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
