I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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