I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
