You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
