After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
