Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
