oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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