Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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