I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
