there's paper in my vomit.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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