At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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