I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
