You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize