she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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